


Can You See Me Now?

by MissLiddel



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLiddel/pseuds/MissLiddel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Tom deals with how fame has changed his brother. Is there now something more important to Bill than his twin?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can You See Me Now?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a couple lines in the song Clowns. Set in the early Schrei days.
> 
> I do not own Clowns or Tokio Hotel, or anything. Just my imagination. :) 
> 
> Let me know if you like it, please!

Tom rolled his eyes as he watched his younger brother carefully remove his new jacket and hang it up in his closet. It had been part of an outfit from a photo shoot, and Bill had liked it so much that the person in charge of wardrobe had said be could keep the designer jacket. 

"Come on, hurry up and wash your face. The guys are going to start eating without us."

"Just let me stare at it a little longer."

"Fine." Tom hopped off of his twin's dresser and stalked out of the room. His brother had become more and more obsessed with stuff lately. Sure, Tom loved all the gifts he'd been getting, but at least he didn't stare at them for hours at a time. His little brother was getting swept up in all the attention. He was looking less and less like Tom's twin every day.

Sure, he hadn't minded before. They'd wanted it that way, even. But suddenly being in the spot light was scary, and it was nice to hide in the twin identity, to know that someone was always there with you, sharing the spot light. But it was hard to remember exactly who it was standing beside him when he could hardy make out their shared features in his twin's painted face.

Tom suddenly found that he wasn't in the mood for pizza and video games with his band mates and his brother anymore. He'd only been looking forward to it because he hoped it would make things go back to normal, that his brother would go back to normal, and that he'd stop changing his stupid look so much.

Tom went to the room that he was supposed to share with Gustav (but he only did that when he was upset with Bill) and threw himself down on his bed and closed his eyes. Everything was crazy nowadays, and it made his head spin.

Tom opened his eyes as the door to his room opened. "You awake?" a cheerful voice asked from beside him.

"Now I am." Tom sat himself up and rubbed his eyes. It was still dark outside his window. "Why did you wake me up?" Tom asked, annoyed.

"I came to check on you. You made that big fuss about the pizza and you didn't even eat. Lazy." Tom felt the heat rise in his face.

"Lazy? I've been working my butt off just the same as you guys! So what if I want to take a fucking nap?!"

"Okay, I'm sorry, grumpy." Bill said putting his hands up. Tom stared angrily at his lap. Bill just wasn't picking up on his emotions. Tom felt like his world was spinning out of control, and all Bill could think about were interviews and designer clothes. "Are you feeling okay, Tom? You haven't been looking good lately." 

So his twin receptors weren't completely broken. Tom thought about it, he wasn't physically ill, but he was most certainly not feeling okay. "No." Bill nodded and put a hand to Tom's forehead. 

"You do feel warm," he said as he brushed Tom's cheek. Tom felt his anger vanish at his twin's touch. It felt normal, and nice. Even if it usually would have made Tom blush and shove his twin away. 

"I'd better let David know. He can't schedule any more interviews if you're sick." Tom pulled away, anger rising in him again.

"I feel fine! Get the fuck out!" He laid back down and turned towards the wall. 

"Tom, what-?" Bill put a hand on Ton's shoulder, which he shoved away, causing his twin to fall on the floor.

"Ow! What the hell is your problem?" Tom sat up and turned to face his brother.

"My problem is that you care more about the stupid interviews than you do about me!" Bill rose to his feet.

"Tom-"

"Now get out!" Tom stood up and shoved Bill out the door, slamming it shut in his twin's face.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Tom stayed locked in his room for the remainder of the night, only getting up to let Gustav in the room when his banging on the door made it impossible to sleep. 

"What is your problem?" Gustav demanded when Tom let him in the room. He'd been getting that question a lot lately. Tom climbed back in bed and pulled his pillow over his head. Gustav sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know why you two even bother fighting, you always feel bad about it later." Gustav mumbled under his breath as he changed into his pajamas. 

Tom got up early the next morning, having slept all night, and went down to the kitchen to eat before anyone else got up. He still didn't feel like being around anyone.

Gustav was already seated at the table, eating a bowl of corn flakes. But he didn't acknowledge that the elder Kaulitz twin had walked in the room at all. 

Not long after Tom had poured his own bowl of cornflakes, Bill walked into the kitchen. Tom left his bowl on the counter, despite his growling stomach, and headed back to his room. Bill grabbed his hand, but he pulled away.

Tom could Hear his brother following him. He closed his room door behind him, but Bill caught the door and pushed it open. Tom Turned to face his twin. "Alright, what?"

"Tom, what's wrong? You know there's nothing I care about more in this world than you. Why would you accuse me of-?"

"Okay, just leave me alone."

"Tom, please, tell me what's wrong." He felt the anger rising again. He felt he shouldn't ever have to explain any thing to Bill. His twin should've known, should've felt it. 

"We left everything behind! Mom, Gordon, our home! All for this, and we don't even know if it's going to happen for us!" He burst out.

"It already has happened, Tom. And we didn't leave anything behind. We have pictures, and mom calls us more than we want her to." Bill gave a small smile. Tom continued to frown. "I don't know about you Tom, but I always have a piece of home with me. The most important piece." Bill cautiously put a hand on his brother's shoulder. Tom looked up at his twin, the emotion on his face changing from anger to fear.

"I just- I feel like…like I'm floating. Just hanging in the air, completely exposed with nothing to hold onto. And you just keep changing! Every fucking day. You're so different now, you don't even look like Bill anymore!" He sat down on his bed.

"It may feel that way," Bill said, moving to sit next to his brother, "but you always have something to hang onto." He grabbed his twin's hand. "And I hope you don't mind, but I'll always be hanging onto you." Tom closed his hand around his twin's, holing on tightly. 

"And how can I not look like Bill? I am Bill. I've got to be a different Bill when I'm in front of the cameras, and on stage. Just like you have to be a different Tom."

"Can you see me now, Tom? Your twin?" He looked into the face of the boy sitting beside him, and Tom saw him, the twin who needed him. His younger brother who he had to protect, and help to stand strong. The one who helped him to stand strong,. The one he became a better guitarist for. The one who loved him no matter what he did. The one he'd never be rid of, and didn't ever want to be rid of.

"The one who can't watch scary movies alone, and who couldn't unlatch a bra his first time?" Bill punched his Twin's arm.

"Yeah, I definitely see him now," Tom said, rubbing his bruising bicep.

"So, does the make up really bother you? I-I could…stop wearing it …if you want?" Bill looked down at his lap, then up at his brother. Tom looked back into his twin's face. Did it really bother him that much? No. He felt better now that he was holding onto his twin's hand, now that he wasn't floating alone in the madness. 

Bill loved his make up. It was one of the things that made them different. Now that Tom thought about it, he still wanted to be different. They needed to be. Bill's make up was a part of him, and it showed just how much he loved Tom that he'd offer to give it up. 

For Bill, not wearing his make up, or his leather jackets, would be like walking around incomplete. Almost the way Tom had been feeling until his twin had once again set his world right.

"No. On second thought, I don't want people to know we're related." Bill snorted and lightly punched his twin in the chest.

"Thanks." Bill smiled, and Tom squeezed his hand in answer.


End file.
